Life in most aspects is tinged with excitement and a general feeling of happiness in my heart. The kind of earnest happiness that makes me nervous and giddy. The kind of happiness that must be earned, and as such my anxiety which I felt I had conquered once again rises to the surface to make fear that I will lose this. That I will screw up as I always do. It's a devil, that anxiety. It won't win.

But I'm smarter than I once was, I'm stronger. I'm better as a whole and as someone who interacts in the world.

In other areas of my life (not involving pretty, earthy, blondes) I feel like the ground is shaking beneath me and I cannot get a grip on ledge or descending plate, that perhaps Max is going to be swallowed up by the earthquake and I will fall forever and ever and ever. Just a long few months perhaps.

I'm still smiling though.

Cheers.